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Update – The Juice Gets Juiced For His Horrific Actions

July 31st, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Orange Juice republished under CC license by Gaetan Lee

PHATLAW has learned that on Monday a federal bankruptcy judge awarded the rights of O. J. Simpson’s canceled “If I Did It” book to the family of the late Ronald Goldman to satisfy a $38 million wrongful death judgment against the former football star.  Even though the book has not even been published yet, the Judge has awarded the Goldman family 90% of the potential profits. It is suspected that the Goldman’s will change the title of the book to “Confessions of a Double Murderer.”  If published, the profits from the book could reach millions of dollars. Plus, PHATLAW wouldn’t be surprised if a movie deal comes out of this fiasco.

PhatThought: Finally, the Goldman’s Strike It Gold.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

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Drugs Are Legal In California

July 30th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Al Gore by World Resources Institute Staff

Today, the son of former U.S. Vice-president, Al Gore Jr., Al Gore III (real creative name choice Gore family, no wonder your son does drugs) plead guilty to numerous charges stemming from his arrest around the Fourth of July Holiday.  As PHATLAW readers will recall, Al III was busted on an Orange County freeway driving 100 miles an hour with pot, vicodin, xanax, valium, and adderall in in his hybrid car.  In all, Gore III plead guilty to two felony counts of drug possession, two misdemeanor counts of drug possession without a prescription, and one misdemeanor count of marijuana possession.  You may ask: “What is the sentence for this youthful indescretion of two felonies and three misdemeanors?” Absolutely nothing! A virtual slap on the wrist.

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Update – More Bad Newz for Vick

July 30th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

 Michael Vick by LittleRottenRobin

PHATLAW has learned that one of Michael Vick’s co-defendants has sold him out in exchange for leniency with the Court.  Tony Taylor plead guilty today to his participation in a dogfighting conspiracy he says was predominantly financed by the Falcon’s leading man.  As part of the plea agreement, Taylor agreed to fully cooperate with the government’s prosecution of Vick and the other named co-defendants.

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“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, Released Early

July 18th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned that J.K. Rowling’s U.S. publisher, Scholastic, filed suit today in the Circuit Court of Cook County against its distributors, Levy Home Entertainment and DeepDiscounts.com.  The suit alleges that the distributors mailed copies of the new book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows” before the release date was scheduled.  In the Complaint, Scholastic accuses the distributors of a “complete and flagrant violation of the agreements that they knew were part of the carefully constructed release of this eagerly awaited book.” Read the rest of this entry »

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Judge to Jacko—Pay Up

July 17th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Alan Light's Michael Jackson 

The alleged super-molester, Michael Jackson was ordered to pay nearly $260,000 to a firm that handled some peripheral matters during his 2005 child molestation trial.  The Torrance, California firm, Ayscough & Marar, can be reached at 310-534-5888 in the event any PHATLAW reader needs its services… Read the rest of this entry »

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Update – Michael Vick Indicted in Dog Fighting Case

July 17th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Michael Vick by littlerottenrobin

Today, the Atlanta Falcons’ Quarterback, Michael Vick, and three others were indicted on federal charges related to illegal competitive dog fighting.  PHATLAW has learned that the indictment accuses Vick and his co-defendant’s of “knowingly sponsoring and exhibiting an animal fighting venture” and conducting a business enterprise involving gambling, as well as buying, housing, transporting and receiving dogs for the purposes of an animal fighting venture.  The indictment goes on to allege that the Four Musketeers held the fights at a Virginia property owned by Vick and that the Fiercesome Foursome bought the dogs in six different states, including New York and Texas.  It is suspected that Vick and the others began this dog fighting operation in early 2001, the Rookie year of the Falcons’ Quarterback.

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Steven Segal….Under Siege By His Former Attorneys?

July 16th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Steven Segal by Gavin Robinson

“Exit Wounds” star, Steven Segal, is suing the multi-service national law firm of Loeb & Loeb for allegedly over charging him for legal representation.  Loeb & Loeb represented Segal in connection with his witness testimony in the grand jury trial and criminal trial of his former business associate Julius Nasso.  Segal and Nasso partnered up to produce movies together in the 90s and Nasso allegedly attempted extort Segal when their business relationship went south (no, the movies were not gay porn).

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With Friends Like Remy Ma, Who Needs Enemies

July 16th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Fat Joe published under CC license by bigbabygsus
 

On Saturday, singer Remy Ma (a member of Fat Joe’s Terror Squad) turned herself into police on allegations of attempted murder.  PHATLAW has learned that the GRAMMY® nominated singer was partying with her friend Makeda Barnes-Joseph at a local hotspot when all hell broke loose.  According to PHATLAW sources, Ma and Barnes-Joseph were feuding over missing money. Apparently, Ma accused her friend of stealing money out of her wallet.  To get revenge for the stolen money,  it is suspected that Ma decided to settle her dispute the old fashion way - - a bullet to the gut of the wrong doer. Read the rest of this entry »

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What a Conniving Knievel

July 12th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

Kayne West by S. Affandi

PHATLAW has learned that last December, the 68 year old Evel Knievel sued Kanye West for infringement of the Dare Devil’s trademarked name and likeness.  The infringement is alleged to have occurred in the Rapper’s video for the single “Touch the Sky.”  Apparently, the video shows West adopting Knievel’s star-studded jumpsuit while attempting to jump a rocket-powered motorcycle over a canyon.  In the video, West’s motorcycle crashes to the bottom of the canyon in flames.  Read the rest of this entry »

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Urlacher Hoists Father of the Year Trophy

July 12th, 2007

By PHATLAW Staff

ckirkmans urlacher.jpg
An Illinois Judge has ordered Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, and his baby’s mama, to take a three hour parenting class.

Urlacher, in PHATLAW’s opinion one of the greatest linebackers to play the game, is currently in a legal fight with former girlfriend Tyna Robertson over visitation with their two year child.  The child lives in Joliet (think East St. Louis/Detroit, non-Illinois readers….total sh**hole) with the mother and Urlacher lives in Lake Forest. Read the rest of this entry »

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