By PHATLAW Staff

The Clark County D.A. announced that it would not press charges against Robert James Ritchie aka “Kid Rock” in connection with a confrontation with Motely Crue drummer Tommy Lee.  Pam Anderson’s two ex-husbands allegedly mixed it up at the Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas after the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9, 2007.  Tommy Lee, who allegedly instigated the altercation, requested that no charges be filed against Kid Rock. 

PHATLAW thinks that Tommy Lee has the right idea.  Law enforcement should not be involved in the dispute between the two rockers.  Instead, PHATLAW thinks the two should capatilize on their feud the ”American way” by televising a live fight on pay-per-view.

Kid Rock also faces a misdemeanor battery charge in connection with an October 21st altercation at a Waffle House restaurant in Hotlanta. 

PhatThought:  Anyone that sets foot in a Waffle House is at least guilty of bad taste! 

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

TMZ reports that Pierce “James Bond” Brosnan is being investigated by the LA County Sheriff’s office stemming from an alleged beatdown he administered to a photog in Malibu.
Reports indicate the alleged incident occurred last Friday in a Malibu mall outside Casa Escobar. 

According to the alleged photog victim, Robert Rosen, Pierce was there with his kids when Rosen started snapping away.  Amazingly, this seemed to upset Brosnan, who told Rosen to get a real job.

Rosen, being the upstanding member of society that he undoubtedly is, replied by complimenting Brosnan on his former role as James Bond.  Sometime thereafter, Pierce struck Rosen in the ribs and Rosen responded with a swift kick to Brosnan’s stomach.

We here at PHATLAW are no geniuses (with the possible exception of Tech Support when he is in between alcohol induced blackouts) but we are pretty sure complimenting a former Bond on his old role, when the new Bond (Daniel Craig) is much better….might have pissed him off a bit.  Nevermind the fact Brosnan was forced to suffer the humiliation in front of his kids.

PhatThought:  Twenty bucks Pierce pays his way out of this little alleged battery with a tidy cash settlement.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

This past Friday, the Los Angles County Commissioner in everybody’s favorite custody battle, Britney v. K-Fed, ordered that Ms. Spears’ deposition go forward.  However, the Commissioner rejected the request of Federline’s attorney that the deposition be videotaped.  Typically, depositions are not taped unless it appears a witness will be unavailable at a hearing or trial.  PHATLAW is inclined to think that Federline just wanted something to remember what is certain to be a legal slugfest.

PhatThought:  Who would have thought Ms. Spears would ever be camera shy?

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

The Seattle Times is reporting that a federal grand jury in Seattle is investigating allegations made by a local woman against The Magic Man. The unnamed Seattle woman claims that she was raped, assaulted, and threatened by Copperfield at his private island in the Bahamas in July.

The Seattle Times reports that the woman told the cops that she was approached by Copperfield’s stooges at his show in January. At that time, the Magic Helpers directed her to special seats and asked her to come onstage as part of the show. As earlier reported by PHATLAW, Copperfield has used his show as a “system” to pick up the ladies wherein the Bahamas was often mentioned as a potential vacation spot.

PHATAW readers may be asking themselves, how did this Creep lure this woman to his “private” island. Well, here’s the answer – apparently, Mr. Creepy promised her he could assist her in her aspiring modeling career and asked her to come to his island where other guests were supposed to be present – but there weren’t. Once on the island, the woman claims she encountered the two day ordeal.

To date, no indictments or criminal charges have been filed against The Island Owner. If indictments are handed down, however, then look for the charges to be for sexual assault and possibly false imprisonment (based on the woman’s claimed two day nightmare on the private island).

PhatThought: Looks like Copperfield’s new name should be David Cop-a-feel!

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned that Kathie Martin, an Alabama etiquette coach, has sued Sacha Baron Cohen, aka Borat, and 20th Century Fox in Manhattan Supreme Court. The complaint alleges commercial misappropriation, fraud, unjust enrichment, invasion of privacy, and intentional infliction of emotional distress (“IIED”). Martin seeks undisclosed damages. The allegations stem from Ms. Manners’ scene in “Borat” where Borat shows her a naked picture of his son. Apparently, almost a year later, Martin is still miffed by Mr. Sexy Time’s deception and she is seeking legal action to get revenge.

In most state courts, allegations of fraud must be pled with specificity. In other words, the complaint must describe, in detail, the who, what, when, and where the fraud took place. Also, in most states, allegations of IIED must allege that the Defendant’s conduct is so egregious that it amounts to shocking behavior. Absent specific allegations of fraud and behavior that was truly abhorrent, look for Borat’s lawyers to file a motion to dismiss.

PhatThought: It seems that Borat’s Sexy Time is still getting him in trouble with the locals.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

TMZ TV interviewed Amanda from Atlanta recently.  Amanda claims that she attended a David Copperfield show in Las Vegas and was chosen by Copperfield’s people to be taken on stage during the show.  Amanda, who was wearing a scandalously short black dress on the night in question, claims that Copperfield invited her backstage after the show.

As PHATLAW previously reported, Copperfield is currently under investigation in connection with allegations of a Seattle woman that claims Copperfield sexually assaulted while in the Bahamas.  Recently, the FBI raided a Vegas warehouse and seized digital camara equipment and computer hard drive in connection with the investigation. 

PhatThought:  Fortunately for Copperfield being a creep is not a crime or grounds for a civil suit or Amanda might have a cause of action.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned that O.J. Simpson has now been charged with felony coercion in relation to the Las Vegas heist of last month. That’s right, in addition to kidnapping, armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, and conspiracy, the HEISMAN winner can add felony coercion to his long (and ever growing) list of charges.

In a complaint filed on Wednesday, Walter Alexander and Charles Cashmore pled guilty to reduced charges. In return, the Duo are set to testify against No. 32 at the preliminary hearing on November 8th.

PhatThought: An O.J. thought that he would never go to jail. . .

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments on this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned (from TMZ) that Tracy Morgan’s attorney (Blair Berk—also attorney to several other drunks such as Mel Gibson and Kiefer Sutherland) was in a Los Angeles County Courtroom today explaining why his client removed his alcohol monitoring bracelet before his 90 days were up.

Apparently, an undisclosed medical condition is to blame.  Does apathy count as a medical condition?  How about alcoholism?  Clearly not.  Both of these ailments are excuses for lazy people to not do what they are supposed to do….work, pay taxes, not spy on others, etc. 

Some of us here at PHATLAW are big fans of using medicine as our excuse not to do things we don’t want to do.  Tech Support, for example, has been known to claim his fear of water (aqua-phobia) prevents him from showering, but we all know it is his bunions.

PhatThought:  If anyone can think of a medical condition that will allow us to never work, have tons of money, and wear bathing suits all day long…please let us know.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case. 

By PHATLAW Staff

According to The Juice’s tax returns, he made nearly $400K in income from his NFL pension every year from 2003-2005, which totals $1.2M. That’s a lot of duckets for a double murderer. In addition to his pension, the HEISMAN winner earned $50K is appearance fees and claimed $772,090 in personal property on his 2005 return.

Unfortunately, No. 32’s NFL pension is exempt from the $33.5M judgment rendered against him in 1997 for the double murder of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ron Goldman. But, that is not going to deter Fred Goldman from squeezing The Juice for every penny he can. Goldman’s lawyer has indicated that he will go after the Hall of Famer’s personal property and look into seizing his Florida home.

PhatThought: For O.J., not only are death and taxes sure in life, but Fred Goldman is too.

PHATLAW will continue post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW sources reveal that the FBI has raided David Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse and seized a hard drive computer and digital camera equipment. The FBI’s reason behind the raid is related to Copperfield’s elaborate “system of picking up women.” Oh yes, PHATLAW readers, The Magic Man supposedly has a “system” for picking up the ladies. Well, his “system” may lead to his arrest on sexual assault charges.

Here’s the skinny on the purpose behind the FBI raid. Apparently, the Magic Maker has designed a show for picking up women. Essentially, during his shows, Copperfield picks certain female audience members to come up on stage. If he likes them, he uses code words like “mama” and “secrecy” to alert his assistants that he wants to spend more time with them. So, after the show, the dutiful assistants ask these women to accompany Copperfield backstage. Once backstage, the “magic” really happens. At that time, Copperfield photographs the women and asks a series of questions. Apparently, one of the questions relates to their favorite vacation spots. One vacation spot that was mention was the Bahamas. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas and the alleged sexual assault was said to happen there.

So, this may explain the FBI’s interest in the camera equipment and hard drive. If the accuser is one of the women who was photographed, this could establish a possible M.O. and lead dear ole’ David into hot water.

PhatThought: Who knew the Magic Man needed such a ruse to score with the ladies.

PHATLAW will continue to provide the latest developments in this case.