By PHATLAW Staff

TMZ.com reports that everyone’s favorite Limey (Jude Law) was  recently cleared of assault charges.  Law was originally charged last September after he allegedly attacked a poor paparazzo that was trying to earn an honest buck by harassing Law and his young children.  Which is the more honorable trade?  Paparazzo or abortion clinic doctor?  A question for the ages….

According to various sources, Law went nuts on the paparazzo, administering him a physical beating and accusing him of pedophilia for snapping pictures of his kids.

Assault requires/can be defined as:  (1) An act intended to cause an apprehension of harmful or offensive contact and (2) An act that causes apprehension in the victim that harmful or offensive contact is imminent.  The victim must have a reasonable apprehension of imminent injury or offensive contact. This element is established if the act would produce apprehension in the mind of a reasonable person.

PHATLAW speculates that the charges were dropped as no reasonable person could be apprehensive of Jude Law.  Even if he were carrying a loaded gun, we would laugh in his stupid face…he is probably too weak to pull the trigger.  Have you seen Alfie? I mean c’mon…he actually cries in that movie and we heard (from unnamed and non-existent sources) it wasn’t in the script.

PhatThought:  We are clearly envious of Jude Law and empty, soulless bastards just like the paparazzo he allegedly beat.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.