By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned that Snoop Dogg was forbidden from entering the United Kingdom. The events unfolded like this . . . The day started off relatively uneventful for the Rapper. Doggy Dogg mixed it up with fellow travelers by signing autographs, taking pictures, and dancing with kids. The day took a turn for the worst when Snoop and his entourage got booted from a First Class lounge. After getting the heave ho from the Brits, an all out fist-to-cuffs with the British coppers ensued. The brawl resulted in Snoop being banned from British Airways and 7 police officer’s injured.

PHATLAW is unaware of the specifics of British laws, but PHATLAW would not be surprised if the Brits filed assault and battery charges against Snoop and his posse.

PhatThought: So much for flying the Friendly Skis.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

Canadian prosecutors withdrew a pending assault charge against the original but lesser known “vampire slayer” Kristy Swanson.  As PHATLAW first reported, Swanson was charged in June with assaulting Marcia O’Brien, the ex-wife of her baby’s daddy Lloyd Eisler.  Eisler and Swanson met and fell in love while skating partners on FOX’s “Skating with Celebrities.”  Eisler was married at the time to the then pregnant O’Brien.In reaction to the news, Swanson reportedly remarked that  ”[t]his never should have happened and our family can move on.”  Sure Kristy, bad things shouldn’t happen when you steal someone’s husband and get pregnant with his love child.  Come on.  You have got to be kidding.

PhatThought:  Apparently, Ms. Swanson is not familiar with the expression that “you reap what you sow.” 

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case. 

By PHATLAW Staff

The star of MTV’s “Viva La Bam”, Uncle “Don” Vito, has been found guilty of two counts of sexual assault on a minor. TMZ reports he was acquitted on a third pending charge.

 The Don was charged with fondling teen girls following an appearance at a mall in suburban Denver, Colorado. Don Vito reportedly crashed to the ground and shouted “just kill me now” after the guilty verdict was read. Surprisingly enough, the bailiffs did not kill him, opting instead to take him into custody.

Vito still faces several other charges relating to various bail violations. He faces sentencing on December 20th for the assault charges. The real victim here (besides the poor girls who this fat f**k groped—it conjures images of Jabba the Hut and Princes Leia in her chain-link costume from “Return of the Jedi”, but we digress) is MTV. Who in their right mind will watch “Viva La Bam” now? The answer—no one.

When we noted above that Don Vito was “the star” of the show, we weren’t kidding. Bam Margera is one of the most annoying reality tv stars out there. We would like to hang him by those queer scarves he seems ever so fond of. PHATLAW’s has attempted to consult with resident alleged pedophile Tech Support for this thoughts on the matter. Several calls were not returned. However, according to a comment left by Strupac on yesterday’s Pierce Brosnan piece—Tech Support has been “juicing”. So, Tech Support is either unavailable because he is taking steroids and in the gym or stocking up on Hi-C juice boxes with which he will lure young trick or treaters into his apartment (a possible alternative definition for “juicing”).

PhatThought: Happy Halloween! To our female readers: Happy great-excuse-to-dress-like-a-total-venereal disease-ridden-slut-day. On a side note, if any total-venereal disease-ridden-sluts want to go out with any PHATLAW staffer—please email. We are desperately lonely. And stunningly handsome.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

“Prison Break” star, Lane Garrison, was sentenced to 40 months in prison for the drunk driving accident that killed 17 year old Vahagn Setian. Even though Judge Elden Fox believed Garrison was remorseful, he sentenced the star to prison because “the public needs to know crimes like this need to be punished and, unfortunately, you have to be the messenger.”

The Judge’s sentence was undoubtedly influenced by Garrison’s genuine remorsefulness, lack of prior criminal history, and admitted responsibility. Garrison will get credit for the 91 days he has already served. The 91 day credit and California’s Work Time/Good Time early release program will likely reduce Garrison’s prison term to about 20 months.

Garrison’s actions have devastated the lives of 3 families. In addition to his prison sentence, Garrison must also pay close to $300K to the Setian family and to the two girls who were in the car at the time of the accident.

PhatThought: Finally, some Celebrity Justice!

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

The Clark County D.A. announced that it would not press charges against Robert James Ritchie aka “Kid Rock” in connection with a confrontation with Motely Crue drummer Tommy Lee.  Pam Anderson’s two ex-husbands allegedly mixed it up at the Palms Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas after the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9, 2007.  Tommy Lee, who allegedly instigated the altercation, requested that no charges be filed against Kid Rock. 

PHATLAW thinks that Tommy Lee has the right idea.  Law enforcement should not be involved in the dispute between the two rockers.  Instead, PHATLAW thinks the two should capatilize on their feud the ”American way” by televising a live fight on pay-per-view.

Kid Rock also faces a misdemeanor battery charge in connection with an October 21st altercation at a Waffle House restaurant in Hotlanta. 

PhatThought:  Anyone that sets foot in a Waffle House is at least guilty of bad taste! 

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

TMZ reports that Pierce “James Bond” Brosnan is being investigated by the LA County Sheriff’s office stemming from an alleged beatdown he administered to a photog in Malibu.
Reports indicate the alleged incident occurred last Friday in a Malibu mall outside Casa Escobar. 

According to the alleged photog victim, Robert Rosen, Pierce was there with his kids when Rosen started snapping away.  Amazingly, this seemed to upset Brosnan, who told Rosen to get a real job.

Rosen, being the upstanding member of society that he undoubtedly is, replied by complimenting Brosnan on his former role as James Bond.  Sometime thereafter, Pierce struck Rosen in the ribs and Rosen responded with a swift kick to Brosnan’s stomach.

We here at PHATLAW are no geniuses (with the possible exception of Tech Support when he is in between alcohol induced blackouts) but we are pretty sure complimenting a former Bond on his old role, when the new Bond (Daniel Craig) is much better….might have pissed him off a bit.  Nevermind the fact Brosnan was forced to suffer the humiliation in front of his kids.

PhatThought:  Twenty bucks Pierce pays his way out of this little alleged battery with a tidy cash settlement.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

This past Friday, the Los Angles County Commissioner in everybody’s favorite custody battle, Britney v. K-Fed, ordered that Ms. Spears’ deposition go forward.  However, the Commissioner rejected the request of Federline’s attorney that the deposition be videotaped.  Typically, depositions are not taped unless it appears a witness will be unavailable at a hearing or trial.  PHATLAW is inclined to think that Federline just wanted something to remember what is certain to be a legal slugfest.

PhatThought:  Who would have thought Ms. Spears would ever be camera shy?

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

The Seattle Times is reporting that a federal grand jury in Seattle is investigating allegations made by a local woman against The Magic Man. The unnamed Seattle woman claims that she was raped, assaulted, and threatened by Copperfield at his private island in the Bahamas in July.

The Seattle Times reports that the woman told the cops that she was approached by Copperfield’s stooges at his show in January. At that time, the Magic Helpers directed her to special seats and asked her to come onstage as part of the show. As earlier reported by PHATLAW, Copperfield has used his show as a “system” to pick up the ladies wherein the Bahamas was often mentioned as a potential vacation spot.

PHATAW readers may be asking themselves, how did this Creep lure this woman to his “private” island. Well, here’s the answer – apparently, Mr. Creepy promised her he could assist her in her aspiring modeling career and asked her to come to his island where other guests were supposed to be present – but there weren’t. Once on the island, the woman claims she encountered the two day ordeal.

To date, no indictments or criminal charges have been filed against The Island Owner. If indictments are handed down, however, then look for the charges to be for sexual assault and possibly false imprisonment (based on the woman’s claimed two day nightmare on the private island).

PhatThought: Looks like Copperfield’s new name should be David Cop-a-feel!

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

PHATLAW has learned that Kathie Martin, an Alabama etiquette coach, has sued Sacha Baron Cohen, aka Borat, and 20th Century Fox in Manhattan Supreme Court. The complaint alleges commercial misappropriation, fraud, unjust enrichment, invasion of privacy, and intentional infliction of emotional distress (“IIED”). Martin seeks undisclosed damages. The allegations stem from Ms. Manners’ scene in “Borat” where Borat shows her a naked picture of his son. Apparently, almost a year later, Martin is still miffed by Mr. Sexy Time’s deception and she is seeking legal action to get revenge.

In most state courts, allegations of fraud must be pled with specificity. In other words, the complaint must describe, in detail, the who, what, when, and where the fraud took place. Also, in most states, allegations of IIED must allege that the Defendant’s conduct is so egregious that it amounts to shocking behavior. Absent specific allegations of fraud and behavior that was truly abhorrent, look for Borat’s lawyers to file a motion to dismiss.

PhatThought: It seems that Borat’s Sexy Time is still getting him in trouble with the locals.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.

By PHATLAW Staff

TMZ TV interviewed Amanda from Atlanta recently.  Amanda claims that she attended a David Copperfield show in Las Vegas and was chosen by Copperfield’s people to be taken on stage during the show.  Amanda, who was wearing a scandalously short black dress on the night in question, claims that Copperfield invited her backstage after the show.

As PHATLAW previously reported, Copperfield is currently under investigation in connection with allegations of a Seattle woman that claims Copperfield sexually assaulted while in the Bahamas.  Recently, the FBI raided a Vegas warehouse and seized digital camara equipment and computer hard drive in connection with the investigation. 

PhatThought:  Fortunately for Copperfield being a creep is not a crime or grounds for a civil suit or Amanda might have a cause of action.

PHATLAW will continue to post the latest developments in this case.